[3rd grader Nicole writes…]
I made strate ”a”s.
A-spelling
A-ENLISH
A-READING
A-SOCIL STUDIES
A-SCIECE
Strate As
Reply
Author Archives: jeb
Creative Forger
Friday night we all went over to Mom and Dad’s to visit with visiting Patsy and Debbie. Shane couldn’t make it because of his medical duties in the army.
“I guess the war affects him even back here.”
“Yes,” Debbie said. “He gets to take off earlier because his boss is in Saudi Arabia.”
Was it a war? Or merely a crisis? Or an operation? Only historians will tell what label will last.
Nicole got a fun stationery and sticker set from Patsy. She used them to create a lovely birthday card for her Uncle Chris, who didn’t turn 19 this year because of the absence of his February 29th birth date. She drew a hollow lettered birthday greeting. I didn’t discover hollow letters until 5th grade. She included a remarkable forgery of my and Kathy’s names. I guess she’ll soon be writing herself excuses to get out of school.
“Dear Mrs. Lindsay, Pleas let our doghter out of school erly today at 1:00 to go to the moovies. – Jeb & Kathy Cashin.”
Danny has been whining morning, noon and night. In between he’s a pretty good kid. Dad brought out the official Whiny Willy belt. He took a cloth belt and stuck straight pins through it. Danny was impressed.
We had 3 couples look at the house this weekend. Kathy thinks we will be selling the house pretty soon thanks to Sharon Apple Bomb.
Penny Pig
Last Saturday night Kathy and I went to Frank and Stephanie’s wedding shower at Elizabeth and Harrison’s house. Lots of desserts. Everyone wrote a line of the poem “Frankie and Stephanie Get Married (A Poem).”
Mom and Dad watched our kids and E.E. The big event of their evening was Eric’s burp. Danny told us all about it when we checked in.
Susan Butker had some inside information about the start of the war. Soon after we arrived, we were told that the war would begin at 8 pm. Someone in Saudi had called Al somebody over here with prearranged code words to tell that the war would start that night at 8.
Sure enough, at 8:30, CNN announced the beginning of the war. Now, four days later, the word is that Bush will come on the air at 9 pm to announce an end to the war.
Not much of a war, thank goodness. Did everyone miscalculate, or was everyone appropriately cautious?
Last night, the four of us went to Fr. Lopez’ renewal at IHM. Nicole and Danny got to play in the nursery. Kathy and I sat with Dad who had stopped by the Varsity for dinner between work and the church. Dad’s working too hard. Hope he enjoys it.
On the way home, Danny wanted to know if we could watch America’s Funniest Home Videos. That’s what he gets to do if he is good at mass on Sunday nights. I guess he thought he had been good watching the Wizard of Oz in the nursery.
Nicole couldn’t stop giggling on the way home as Danny told me all about the Penny Pig he got to pet at school yesterday. He realized he must be saying something wrong because of Nicole’s laughter. “Is that right, Mom?” he asked worriedly about his Penny Pig.
Kathy was also cracking up, and, in the interest of protecting the endangered Penny Pig species, told him that he had it right.
[Guinea Pig.]
Goat Herder Bet
You’re in a game show.
The Host tells you that behind one of the three door before you is a new car. Behind the other two is each a goat.
He tells you to pick a door. You pick one.
The host (who knows what is behind the doors) goes to one of the doors you did not pick and reveals a goat.
He then gives you the chance to stick with your pick, or to switch to the other unopened door.
What should you do?
Though this may seem like a 50/50 decision, it is not. There is a 2/3 chance that the other door has a car behind it. So, you should switch.
Why? Because I won the bet. Phil Brown and Don Voshall, Director of R&D and Executive Vice President, said that I was a goat herder if I believed it wasn’t a 50/50 choice. And they kept saying I was crazy until they set up the game show in the lab, started playing 100 times, quit at turn 21 to realize that I was right.
Phil has paid me his $10, but Don wants to go double or nothing. Something about suspending 12 nails from a wine bottle with a nail and cork in it.
There’s a 2/3 chance that I will win the double or nothing puzzle. If the answer is on the next card [HyperCard… now below], then there’s a 100% chance!
—————————–
Is either one of these a legal solution to Don’s puzzle? Depends on the word “suspend” and whether the bottle can be disturbed.
[See: Answer]
Herman on Fridge
Left on our refrigerator by Bob Beres after our wedding.
Valentine Flurries
Kathy and I went out for dinner at the Rusty Nail. Then we saw Ghost. A great Valentine’s day movie. Ted watched the kids for us.
The warm temperatures of February are now giving way to brisk winds. There are snow flurries in Buckhead. The weathermen are very excited. They’ve lost the spotlight ever since the military began censoring the Saudi weather forecasts.
Washing Dad Away
Friday night the four of us went over to Bob and Carol’s to see Eric. Eric was sleeping in his billiruben lights wrap. I wish Danny could have used one of those instead of having to be put in the tanning incubator at the hospital.
When Eric’s skin turns from yellowish to pink, he’s done. He is a much quieter baby than my memories of Danny.
Saturday morning we all cleaned up the house in anticipation of potential buyers. The couple didn’t show. House looks nice, though.
Saturday afternoon we went to the new park to meet Nancy and Ted. We ran a bit late and ran into them as they were leaving. Brittany was tired and Shawn was crying. Nancy and Ted didn’t seem to enjoy the new park.
At a sunny 65 degrees, it was hard for us not to have fun. We ran into Becky Amacker’s boyfriend, Monte. I had seen him going down the slide earlier, but not recognized him. He recognized me and kept saying to himself, “I know that guy.” Kathy was pushing Danny on the swings as Monte was pushing his girl, Betsy. She thought it was funny that Monte kept saying this over and over. She didn’t know who he recognized until she recognized his voice.
So we all had a laugh. Monte tried to sell us a coupon booklet so we tried to sell him some girl scout cookies.
Later that night two of us enjoyed watching Hunt for Red October while two more of us fell asleep in their sleeping bags.
Today Ted climbed up on top of Mom and Dad’s 3-story roof to help feed a hose down a clogged down spout. He climbed barefoot because he left his sneakers in Richard’s car.
Dad and I worked the clog from the bottom. Our tools included a snake, several hoses, a coat hanger, a gutter nail, several sticks, and our bleeding hands.
Eventually the clog gave way, and three stories of water almost washed Dad away by surprise.
Good Head for Math
Had my second inteview with Sales Technologies today. Met with Bob Rushmore (he wasn’t as big as his name) and his boss, Jerry Edwards. I felt like the interview went well with Bob. Jerry was an overly congenial southern gentleman. I kept expecting a killer question as he would look pensively out the window between my responses.
He yawned a few times and sent me on my way. He did say I had enlightened him on a few things. Kathy thought that was good. I hoped that I hadn’t enlightened him as to why he shouldn’t let me be hired.
When I came home, Laurie was here to look at the house. She seems very interested. Her fiancé and she will come back this weekend.
Several toes and fingers crossed. Makes it hard to type.
Taught Nicole how to subtract with a calculator tonight. She wanted to know how to minus things. After discovering that the difference in our ages is 21, she went on and on discovering how old she would be when I was 65, 88, and 99. She started taking guesses before seeing the results. I think she may have a good head for math.
I used the Department of Motor Vehicles as my excuse to leave early today. Hate doing that. If Sales Technologies wants me to come back for a third time, it will have to be at night or on a Saturday.
Tricky Women
Kathy worked today. The Marriott job is getting less lucrative. She thinks it has to do with the war and the recession. Tips are about half what she has earned in the past.
Lisa from Sales Technologies called tonight to have me come in and talk to the higher ups. Scheduled it for 4 pm Tuesday. I thought I should just go ahead and tell Vickie. Kathy says no. Instead, she is going to go to the mall and call me at 3 pm to come get her because her car is dead.
I just happen to have jumper cables in my trunk from having a dead car because I left my lights on after driving out of the dark, sub-terranian parking deck at Lenox where I had my first interview with Sales Technologies. So I guess it is a fitting ruse.
Nicole suggested that I tell Vickie that I had a sick stomache.
“That would be lying,” I quickly pointed out, thinking Kathy’s plan is probably worse.
Nicole thought about it then shared her solution, hoping it would help. “You could eat some almonds and then you really would have a sick stomache.”
There are tricky women in my house.
Chainsaw In The Shower
Friday night Kathy and I went over to Alice and Bennett’s for dinner club. Others in attendance were Elizabeth and Harrison, Nancy and Ted, Shelly and Ken, Stephanie and Frank with Lauren. Carol and Bob missed because they had checked into the hospital to have Eric.
The dinner was unusual. Supposedly it had food groups from all countries in the world including: fritos, rice, chillie, tomatoes, lettuce, walnuts, olives, cheese, raisins, and a hot sauce. It was good.
Kathy provided a delicious chewy brownies covered with fudge sauce.
Much of the discussion centered around old times, the war (specifically Rick), Carol and Bob, and Iraq jokes.
Bennett gave me a tour of my old house. He has the shower ripped out to bare wood and slats. It’s interesting to see the skeleton of something that was once so familiar. I asked him why he had a chainsaw in the shower. He said Alice told him he had to keep it out of the kitchen. I guess with guests coming over…
We scraped our plates into a 10 gallon white industrial bucket. Anything organic would go into this bucket and was due to be added to the compose heap that was cooking in the back yard.
At the end of the night, Kathy, Nancy, Ted, and I went over to Northlake Medical Center to check up on Carol and Bob. Nancy thought it would be ok. She was mistaken. Actually, I suspect she was lying.
We found Carol and Bob walking the halls. Carol was having strong contractions and had to squat down why we were there. Bob was nursing a cup of water. He asked me if I had brought him a beer.
Carol was obviously under a lot of duress. Turns out she had told mom she didn’t want anyone to come over at all. We hadn’t gotten the message.
But she was still Carol under the grimaces and had her humor. I really felt for her. The best I could do was pat her on the back. I was afraid to hug her. I wanted to help somehow. I’m still trying to make up for the time that I didn’t stop Brian McGinnity hitting her. Or the time that I tipped her over as I pulled her in the wagon behind my bike and gave her a bump on the head. But I knew that the best I could do was leave. I felt helpless. I was glad she had Bob there. I even shook his hand and told him so.
Eric arrived 30 minutes later at 1:01 am on 2/2. Bob called us (we were awake) and told us the good news. I asked Bob if he had been there.
“Sure I was! I got to hold a leg!”
I need to ask him about that some time.
I’m very proud of my little sister.
I need to tell her that some time.