Mom was reading Nicole and Danny the comics at her house on Sunday. There was one strip where someone was sleeping on a couch with zzzzz’s floating over his head.

“Look,” said Danny, “He’s dreaming about his ABC’s!”

Bob and Carol came over Saturday night for a game of 1980’s triveal pursuit. Bob had the most pies when we quit. Kathy got mad at me for giving clues to Carol and not giving clues to her. I thought I was giving clues to her, but I guess they weren’t good enough. Actually, she decided I shouldn’t be giving clues at all. No one else was doing that. So I won’t give any clues anymore. (Unless they are really good ones and I can whisper them to Kathy.)

***

I went to SpeakEasy today with Brian Pomrenke and six other Harland reps. It was strange, but I learned a few things. The four of us sat around and watched my video tape. Nicole thought it was a good movie and wanted to watch it again.

***

Danny has a game that he plays with his pals at school. “Bumpin Heads.” Apparently you bump your head into your friend. Then he bumps his head into you.

I talked to Danny about the rules. You don’t actually have to bump each others’ heads. You just bump your head into your buddy’s shoulder, stomache, whatever. Girls do not play Bumpin Heads.

On the eve of possible war in the Persian Gulf, I have to wonder if there is any connection between laser-guided missles, tank-killing helicopters, TOW missles, chemical weapons, and Bumpin Heads.

We went up to the Hedges farm for a spectacular New Years celebration. The four of us brought the pizza after work on Monday. Teddy had a big fire going. The kids were given half the house and the adults took the other half. Both sides turned loose.

In attendance were:

Nancy, Ted, Shawn, and Brittany Regan.

Bennett, Alice, Taylor, and Robert Butker. Robert had a burping, black cabbage patch doll in tow. A gift from his Grandmother Judy. Bennett had a bottle of Old Taylor Burbon in tow.

Kathy, Mike, Todd, and Sara Holsey.

Frank, Stephanie, and Lauren.

Laura, sister of Nancy, recently divorced, without kids. She laughed all night.

Glen, Marsha, Chris, and two other girls from Ted’s company. Glen also laughed all night. He and Laura had been set up for a test run.

That’s The four of us + 4 + 4 + 4 + 3 + 1 + 5 = 25! Only 7 of those were kids. Seemed like more than that at the time. Guess that’s about even.

The long evening included: charades, brownies, triveal pursuits, thumper and fuzzy duck, religious debate, burning pizza boxes, and target practice.

Kathy and I stayed up the latest. 4 a.m. We woke up with little kids standing over us arguing about whether or not they could wake us up.

Bennett and Mike seemed to suffer the most as they sat staring on the couch for several hours in the morning.

Bennett took Kathy, me, Alice, Danny, Nicole, Robert, and Tayler in his Suburu’Ranger down to the river to shoot Alice’s .22 caliber Baretta.

Kathy and I took six shots at a stump in the river. And Danny took one shot with Bennett’s help. The stump still stands.

Last night the kids spent the night with Gramalie. Kathy and I took advantage of the evening to go on a date! We went to see Postcards from the Edge, a pertinent mother-daughter film that we both enjoyed. Then we drove up and down Buford highway looking for a place to eat. Found some great food and atmosphere for very little booty at the Rusty Nail.

A small deck of Baby Boomer Trivial Pursuit cards were on the table, so we quized each other over dinner. Kathy won 13 to 12. We decided that we are late bloomers for boomers because we didn’t know many of the answers.

Then we drove up and down Peachtree Street looking for action. Not a lot to be found. Headed down to Underground and found even less. Wandered into Fat Tuesday’s and felt like uninvited guests in the largely black, male crowd. So we headed back up to Buckhead for a sure thing at the Dessert Place.

***

Today Michelle arrived from Ft. Lauderdale with her diseased poodle and wounded Cockateel. Baby, the poodle, had dry scalp on his underside, so he would stick his back legs out behind him and drag himself around like a paralyzed soldier in battle. Only, his tail would wag.

The bird had a bleeding wing. Michelle had to come to an abrupt stop and the bird’s cage fell on top of him. Seems the bird and dog were chasing each other around in the van.

The dog reportedly had turned gray and the bird had turned yellow due to the shock of the whole trip. The bird started out gray, you see, so one wonders about the eventual color of the poodle.

She left an hour later (about nine hours ago), mad that Kathy wouldn’t allow crying during the Christmas holidays. We have not seen or heard from her since. The bird and a blow dryer are still here. It may be the bird’s blow dryer.

Danny did not want the bird to sleep in his room. He was afraid that it might turn into a monster. I assured him that it was only a little bird and that is all it would be.

Nicole and Danny’s zoo now features a Gray Cockateel turned yellow and a thriving ant farm. (The ants finally came yesterday.)

Tonight we had Kathy’s famous fried/crocked chicken. Passing the plate around, Kathy asked Danny if he would like a leg.

“I don’t want a leg. I want a mouth.”

Kathy started to explain that there wasn’t a mouth… well there was a mouth but… Nevermind.

She tried not to laugh at the boy.

“I don’t want a mouth,” Danny conceded.

***

This morning I was glad to be able to take a shower, raise my arms, and lift my legs without any pain. Now Sunday’s football game is just a bad memory.

An exciting weekend had by all.

Friday night, Kathy and I went out to Bones on the boss. Vickie and Jon, Becky and her date Monte, the Tucker-based chiropractor, and Brian and Nancy Pomrenke were in attendance. Kathy and I got raspberry swordfish. Kathy noticed that at expensive restaurants you are only served small portions of wine. Probably has something to do with the price.

Dinner covered many topics including: Tucker, Ted & Becky, the Grinch Who Stole Christmas (and not touching him with a 39 1/2 foot pole, specifically), Jon’s neck-cracking ability, the KKK, whom Monte hates but who at least keep the blacks out of Tucker (awkward moment of the evening), and Louisiana politics.

Dinner ended just before eleven. Kathy and I went in search of Charlie Chandler and the Viceroys. Rumor had it that he was playing at the Cotton Club that very evening. We couldn’t recruit any volunteers, except for Monte who, after being assured it wasn’t full of blacks, thought it sounded like fun. Becky bowed out, though, and they went off in Monte’s squeaky 280Z.

We found Charlie Chandler and the Viceroys. Were fairly impressed. Talked to him after the set. He gave us a demo tape. He didn’t have a job, he reported, but he did have a girlfriend. He thought we looked like a million dollars. I apologized and pointed out that we had just left dinner with the boss. We did stand out. Maybe not a million dollars, but everyone else looked like five, so…

Kathy looked great. Hope Charlie didn’t think we were showing off. We both agreed that we hadn’t changed. Except for Charlie’s longer hair. And he may have a few more smile lines.

Saturday, The four of us climbed in the Corolla and headed up north to a Christmas tree farm. Ted and Grant joined us in Mom’s Honda. None of us had cut our own tree before.

We came up on the farm. A mobile home with Christmas trees growing in the front yard. We browsed, waiting for one of the three saws to come available. Kathy spotted the one we wanted pretty quickly. So I stuck dead branches in it to make it look ugly. Just in case someone else spotted and had a saw. We also picked out a short one for the office.

We cut the office tree first for practice. Danny and Nicole yelled “Timber.” I looked at it laying on the ground and said, “Nah. I don’t want this one.”

Kathy quite literally doubled over with laughter. People started coming up to us from among the trees to see if she was o.k. Looked like she was having severe abdominal pains.

One of my greatest accomplishments in life is making Kathy laugh. And I can never predict what will do it.

The big one was $18 and the little one $13. The owner, a nice man who was surprised that our idea of tying the trees into an open trunk was better than tying it on top, got his 12 year-old daughter to help me and him figure out what $18 and $13 was. Ted beat her to it with $31.

At home Dave Reynics, a pirate’s pirate, stopped by to drop off some ROMs to upgrade the 512K Mac. Two black-market chips for $30 and Nicole can now play Tetris on the kids’ Mac. He hung out for only 2 hours, 2 beers, and 1 cigarette, copying stuff on to the Classic while Kathy and the kids trimmed the tree.

We got an impromtu invite to Nancy & Ted’s. Shaun and I butted heads as I was trying to get Danny & Nicole to sleep. His plan to have them all sleep in the middle under the covers wasn’t going to work, but he was not going to let me explain that to him. He said he was going to tell his mommy. (Good threat.) I pointed out that if he did, he was risking getting evicted. He mulled that over, made his decision, and screamed, “Mommy!”

I threw my hands up, and walked out, saying, “This ain’t going to work.”

Shaun got evicted. Point Jeb.

This morning, Danny and I went to church as Kathy worked and Nicole went to Sunday school. I lifted Danny up during the procession to show him the giant advent wreath in the middle of the church.

“The priest is lighting the candles because Christmas is coming,” I whispered to him.

“Because Santa Claus is coming?” Danny whispered back.

“No. Christmas is Jesus’ birthday. He’s lighting the candles because Jesus’ birthday is coming.”

“Where is Jesus?”

Boy, there’s a tough one. So I pointed to the crucifix and told him that was a statue of Jesus.

Danny looked back and forth between the giant wreath with it’s lit candles and the giant cruicifix in the back of the church.

“Will Jesus blow out his candles?” he asked. I’m glad Kathy wasn’t there for that. She may have doubled over again.

Today Ted and I were resoundingly defeated in touch football by Dad and Grant. Six to one. Dad and Grant’s first win ever. Dad threw just like his high school quarterback days. And he made the best reception of the day. An over-the-shoulder catch at the corner of the end zone.

Sitting in the middle of the field after Dad and Grant left, Ted and I figured out that the whole thing had been a set up. A master plan devised by Dad at least 5 years ago, our last game when Dad was injured.

Dad had sent Grant to college. Given him different goals. Encouraged him to play intramural football. No real pressure on grades.

Meanwhile, he had me getting an MBA and steered me toward getting a good job and to be a responsible father. No time for football.

And he had put a lot of pressure on Ted to make the grade at Vanderbilt. Then shipped him off to Thailand in the Peace Corps.

Ted and I got soft in our passing attack. It was a brilliant plan.

Later the entire crew: The four of us, Mom & Dad, Bob & pregnant Carol, Grant & Sue, and Ted went to our second trip to Six-Flags’ holiday festival. Highlights included the new Connie Island style roller coaster with it’s digital video recording of each ride and sledding. Not as cold this year. Got home at eleven p.m.

Heck of a weekend. 12:54:37 AM

Kathy and I just finished watching part 1 of Steven King’ “IT.” So we’ll be up for a while…

Today Nicole and Danny invented a new game called “Hypnotize Dad.” They waved pens back and forth in front of my eyes to make me fall asleep. Nicole came up with some ingenious ways to alter my personality. I gave Danny the power to wake me up or make me fall asleep again.

First Nicole said that I would forget all my numbers. Danny woke me up and Nicole started testing me. “Count to 10.”

“Ten,” I said. And she laughed, so of course Danny laughed.

She started holding up her fingers. “How many is this?”

“Fingers,” I said. So they had a lot of fun with that.

“Go to sleep,” said Danny, and my head dropped.

We went through several cycles. Nicole had me forget all of their names and my name. After Danny woke me up, they had a good time introducing me to the family and explaining exactly who I was.

“Your name is Jeb,” Nicole explained.

“My name is Jeb.”

“But we call you Dad,” she added.

“My name is Dad.”

My confusion was wonderfully entertaining. “Go to sleep,” Danny shouted.

Nicole had me forget how to tell time. She tried to have me forget everything I knew and how to do everything. “I remember how to do everything,” mumbling my protest from my hypnotic state. Afterall, there are limits to a dad’s acting abilities.

So she settled for having me forget how to dance. Danny woke me up and Nicole immediately invited me to the dance floor. Sure enough, I couldn’t dance a single step. The kids danced with glee around there danceless father. “Go to sleep,” Danny said again, and I dropped to the floor.

“You forgot how to talk,” Nicole said.

“I forgot how to talk.”

“And you forgot how to listen!” she added without thinking.

“I forgot how to listen.”

“Wake up!” shouted Danny.

“Men Um En Umma Num,” I said. The kids exploaded with laughter as they both tried to talk to me at once, and all that came out of me was nonsense. I was still lying on the floor.

“Go to sleep!” Danny inevitably shouted, always eager to use his power. I pointed to my ears, looking desperately back and forth between Danny and Nicole, speaking nonsense.

Nicole suddenly realized the Catch-22 she had created as Danny continued his go-to-sleep commands. I had a hard time keeping a straight face.

But Nicole is always resourceful, and she began to show me how to go to sleep, forming a pillow with her two hands and lowering her head and closing her eyes.

Technically she should have gotten Danny to do this according to the unspoken rule I had been practicing, but I thought she deserved credit for thinking in a pinch. So I went to sleep.

Relieved she said, “You remember how to listen.”

“I remember how to listen.”

“But you still don’t know how to talk!”

“Wake up!” shouted Danny.

Some of the best games in life can be played anywhere, don’t cost a dime, and ususally involve children. Sometimes they let us big folks play.

What happened today?

Today we made a pumpkin. Dad carved the pumpkin. Danny and I pulled out the seeds and the goop. And then we lit the jack-o- lantern.

We cooked the seeds . Then we ate the seeds. It was good.

happy halloween!