Author Archives: jeb

To the Attention of Robert Beres

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Greetings friend, oh long lost friend! Hail and howdy! Thank you oh most generous one for the Christmas book from the Land o’ Bloom. I was verily stricken when I learned of the demise of Bloom. Here had been created the most perfect place for characters in search of a cartoonist. I feel that Berke Breathed had a moral obligation to sustain the Land o’ Bloom. Just as I am obligated to nurture Nicole and Danny through life, so Breathed is so obliged. He should be jailed for cartoon strip abandonment.

But the children do not know of my loss. So I will bury my pain deep in my chest, and read them this Christmas story, much to their delight. They will not miss the ducks that sat on Gramps head. “Ack!” will not ring in their ears. They will not yearn for the innocence of Milo’s Meadow- a Walden’s Pond hidden in the funnies.

We haven’t read the book yet. We read slow. About 30 minutes is all they can take before bed time. And I only work in 1 or 2 readings a week. We’ve been reading The Hobbit for the past 9 months. You see, little kids like to ask you lots of questions and interrupt your reading. Used to bug me. Then I read or heard somewhere that getting to the end of the book is not what is important. Hard thing to realize for a guy with an English Lit Major.

They also like to act out some of the better scenes. One of their great performances was when Bilbo (Danny) fought off a giant spider (Nicole), escaping from its web (Nicole’s jump rope.) Danny likes any scene where he can use his plastic sword.

The best scene was just about a week ago when Bilbo (Danny again) snuck down the secret tunnel to Smaug’s (Nicole’s) lair. A red light bulb provided the red glow as described emanating from Smaug.

Coming to you, by the way, on a Macintosh PowerBook 100. This little lap top is a full-blown Mac in a small package. Great machine! Watching candid camera here at 11:30 pm, and I need to head off to bed. No bed time stories tonight.

Spotty Vision

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An annoying thing happened on Friday the 13th.

I went up to Commerce in the morning to visit with Resource One about a business partnership. I had half a cup of coffee with Coffee-Mate. Stopped by home on the way back to have lunch with Danny and Kathy. I fixed Danny and myself some sandwhiches. One of mine was peanut butter and orange marmalade.

About 1:30 at work, I sat down to do some work on the computer, and I realized I coudn’t see the screen very well. It was like I had stared at a lightbulb, so anything directly in front of me was spotty. I tried blinking my eyes and shutting them. I could almost make out the bright light with my eyes closed.

Sid came in to talk about a project. I told him I couldn’t see very well, but that I could talk to him. Then Eric came in to ask about an invoice. I had to scan it a couple of times to make out what it was. Only parts of the invoice were in focus.

After about 10 minutes, it cleared up. Then I noticed that I didn’t feel very well. I had a slight headache and felt a bit woozy. Jerone told me to go on home. I got progressively better, though, and didn’t leave any earlier than normal.

My first thought was I had stared at a computer screen wrong. Then I thought I might have been poisoned. Bad coffee-mate and orange marmalade are the leading suspects. Then I thought that it might be some kind of virus.

The only other thing I know of that messes with your optic nerves is a tumor. Would it affect both eyes?

[Update: Probable ocular migraine.]

Dear Jim and Andrea

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12/11/91

Dear Jim and Andrea,

Thanks for the first day of issue postcard, Jim. I wonder how it gets decided that Notre Dame gets to be on a postcard vs. getting a stamp. A stamp is better because it can be put on a postcard or a letter or even a package. In fact it could even go on a coke can like the one I mailed my brother Ted when I was at Notre Dame, just to see if it would work. Ted still has the bent can and the small letter I rolled up and tucked inside.

Notre Dame Notre Dame… you are always on my mind. Kind of like whatever is always on Willie Nelson’s mind… which reminds me of Father Dave, our Father Dave, who art in Indiana (or was.)

The Macintosh has become an integral part of my family. Most of what I have to do at work depends on the things I know that a Macintosh can do. Kathy writes her papers on a Mac. She also puts out the best elementary school newsletter in Atlanta on it. Danny creates amazing drawings with a Mac. Nicole plays games and occasionally makes entries in the family diary (which is on the Mac.) I have two in my office. I have two at home. And now, since last week, I have one on my lap. It’s called a Macintosh PowerBook. Smaller than a calculus book. In fact it is 1:00 am, I can’t sleep, and I’m sitting in a rocking chair using a PowerBook to type a letter to two of the greatest American’s on earth, James and Andrea ColvinFriend.

There’s a freedom here. I couldn’t do this before, because I would have to turn on a Macintosh in either our bedroom or the kids’ bedroom. Now I am free to stay up all night typing. Hmmm… Free at last. Free at last.

I mention the Macs, Andrea, because for the past month or so I’ve been getting the following reminder every time I turn on our home Mac: “Little Colvin Due.” A reminder calendar opens whenever we start our Mac, and Little Colvin is set on December 15. So I’ve got my whole family rooting for your whole family.

I’m looking forward to you two having kids. I think it will force you to settle down a bit. No more of this traveling all over the world to show people artificial body parts, or rehabilitating old body parts. Time to start getting together with the likes of Kathy and me for a round of bridge. I don’t know how to play bridge, but Jim being a civil engineer and all…

Speaking of civil engineers, my brother Ted is working for the GA DOT building massive roads and bridges. He is in a training phase right now. Most of his life revolves around concrete. Testing, calculating, and pouring. Cashin Family project #1 is to get Grant a diploma by next spring. Project #2 is to get Ted a girl. My sister Carol is coming up on her first year anniversary as a mother. This date coincides with the first birthday of my godson, Eric Ettensohn, son of Bob Ettensohn of Cincinnati, Ohio.

What goes around, comes around. Especially with Ohio which goes around on both ends.

I’ve had at least two striking dreams this year in which I’ve moved in and begun a new semester at Notre Dame. Maybe it’s one of those return-to-the-womb things. (Don’t you like how themes can be fused: Notre Dame, pregnancy, Ohio, Willie Nelson, etc.) In many ways Notre Dame was a womb. Not a lot of room, but safe, warm, and comfortable. Didn’t have to worry about food. Staying clean and laundry were easy. We were nurtured by “Our Mother”, Notre Dame. Instead of bodies, our minds grew. Those we were closest to are now very much our brothers and sisters. And upon birth, we all got a special diaper called a diploma.

And of diapers, at the age of 4, Danny’s single greatest life accomplishment has been learning to go to the bathroom. Learning to ride a bicycle has been only a distant second. Thought I would share that with you, Andrea. Make sure you share it with Jim.

In 9 years, Nicole will be going to college. Tuition is increasing at 7% per year. She’ll start in the year 2001. Notre Dame will cost at least $35,000 per year. I put it on a spreadsheet. It’s scary. May explain my desires to return to the womb.

Jim, when we started Notre Dame, did any of us have a 39 year old father?

No wonder I can’t sleep.

Recessionly yours,

Jeb

Paint and Puzzles

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Kathy called me at work Friday. Seems the two girls who had gone through our house over a month ago were interested. Their real estate agent called to say they wanted to stop by about noon on Saturday with the girls and their parents.

And their we were with a stained ceiling. (See “Leak“.) So Kathy and the kids worked hard Friday night cleaning the house while I primed and painted the ceiling. Kathy had checked to see how much paint we had left from painting our walls and left the top loose. I carefully covered everything in the kitchen with newspaper, so when I shook the can and spilled paint on my shoe, it ran onto newspaper and not the floor.

I didn’t have enough paint, so I had to spread it thin, but it looked a lot better.

Then Kathy made us stay up until 2 a.m. watching the Braves beat the Dodgers 1 to 0.

We finished cleaning the house in the morning. I took Nicole to Lauren Butker’s birthday party. Danny and I drove down to the stadium to buy tickets for the Human Astros [sic] game on October 4. I let Danny drive around in the big empty parking lot.

Meanwhile, Kathy greeted the real estate agent, girls, and their parents. She took the real estate agent aside to tell her we had dropped the price to $60,000 and that we were paying a 5% commission. The agent seemed surprised at the low price.

It is now Sunday, and we haven’t heard a thing.

Last night we went over to celebrate Grandpa’s 49th birthday. We gave him a neat tavern puzzle called the Iron Maiden. I had figured it out in 5 minutes the night before. He figured it out in under a minute! Kathy whispered to me that we would get him the hardest one for Christmas.

Then I brought in the famous 12 nails on the bottle trick. That one was much more challenging. Tommy figured it out after 30 minutes. He is the first person I’ve seen figure it out with no hints.